too bad you live with your parents still
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
