Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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