My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
