I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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