Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
