that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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