Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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