Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
