thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
