If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
