i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
