Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
