I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
