Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
