You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
