It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
