so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
