Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
