k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
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