the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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