I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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