Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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