I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
