We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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