dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
