feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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