There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
