She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
