i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
