it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she told me i tasted like america
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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