He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
