how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
