Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
