btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
