I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
