You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My friends, they love my intelligence
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
