I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
