if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
