first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
We smell like vodka and hangover
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