you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
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This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
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When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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