dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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