I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
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You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
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He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
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