You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
