you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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