oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize