Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
