I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
