My room smells like vodka and shame
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
