great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
