i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
