Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
