I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
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She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
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Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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