i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
