I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
