I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I want a musical about memes.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
