Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
